


The Memory of You

by emeraldsage85



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gay Sex, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 07:58:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13700232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsage85/pseuds/emeraldsage85
Summary: Steve wants Bucky to remember something important from their past but won't tell him what it is. Bucky goes in search of his missing memories and finds something they've both been missing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short one-shot type of a deal but then it turned into this monstrosity. Sorry about the length everyone. 
> 
> Song lyrics are from I've Got a Feeling I'm Falling. It's been covered by several people since it was written in 1929 but I'd suggest checking out Ella Fitzgerald's version.

When Wanda offers to help Bucky regain some of his memories, he refuses. He tells her that there are too many horrors in his past, just waiting to be brought out of the woodwork to create more nightmares for him. She understands but tells him that she’s willing to help if he ever changes his mind.

Steve’s been a little harder to convince. He explains that while he respects Bucky’s decision he’d really been hoping that Bucky would want to get back some memories of their shared past. He gets a sad and faraway look on his face for a moment and it almost makes Bucky reconsider. Instead he holds firm.

“I’ve had enough people messing with my head to last me a lifetime,” he says.

“I understand. I won’t bring it up again,” Steve says softly, looking like he’s trying to smile but failing terribly. Before Bucky has a chance to ask what’s wrong, he makes a vague excuse about wanting to do some sketching and disappears into his room.

Bucky’s been stewing about the situation ever since then. Clearly there was more to Steve’s reaction than just wanting to remember old baseball games and scraped knees but Bucky’s had little opportunity to bring it up. A steady stream of near world ending catastrophes has kept the Avengers on their toes. For nearly a month they’ve spent more time out on missions or traveling in the Quinjet than at the tower.

On a flight back from a mission in Budapest, Bucky plops himself down beside Steve and decides that he’s going to ask. He doesn’t want to be the cause of any more of Steve’s sadness but he needs to know what’s so important that his best friend would ask him to consider having someone mucking around in his brain.

“Hey Steve,” he says casually, as if this is going to be a routine conversation.

Being best friends for nearly a century has its disadvantages though. They’ve always been able to read each other easily and today is no exception. Steve senses that something is different almost as soon as Bucky sits down. “What’s up?” He asks, looking concerned.

“Nothing really,” Bucky says awkwardly. “I just was, uh, thinking about how Wanda offered to help me with my memories…”

“Are you reconsidering her offer?” Steve asks.

“Maybe,” Bucky says.

“Well it’s up to you. Your brain, your choice,” Steve says and turns his gaze towards the window.

“Is it important to you?” Bucky blurts out.

Clearly caught off guard, Steve says, “What do you mean?”

Bucky fumbles for the right words. “It’s just…is there something you want me to remember? It feels like it.”

Steve smiles fondly at him and his eyes look a little wistful. “I want you to remember me,” he says softly.

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to that. “I do remember you. When I went to the museum to see the Captain America exhibit it jogged bits and pieces of my memory. I didn’t really get full memories back but I can sometimes remember little things here and there from when you were smaller. I know that your mom’s name was Sarah. I know that you used to wear newspapers in your shoes because it was hard for her to find ones small enough to fit you, plus it helped keep the damp out. I remember that you liked to paint but you were always too poor to buy any so you mostly drew stuff instead. I think I bought you a paint set for your birthday one time but I’m not too sure about that one.”

“You did,” Steve says and he’s not looking at Bucky but out the window again. “It was my eighteenth. We were flat broke but somehow you scraped up enough money to buy me a set of oil paints and some canvas. The first painting I did was of you. I wish I knew what happened to it.”

“It’s probably hanging in a museum somewhere,” Bucky says.

That elicits a chuckle out of Steve but it’s short lived. “I’ll have to paint you again sometime,” he says. The smile he gives Bucky doesn’t meet his eyes. 

Bucky thinks that something is definitely wrong and he’s going to get to the bottom of it.


	2. Chapter 2

When everyone is rested up from the latest mission, Bucky seeks Wanda out and tells her that he wants her help.

“Are you sure? It’s not going to be easy but I can try to seek out the damaged fragments of the memories and put them back together for you. I’m not sure how this mind-wiping thing of HYDRA’s works but I’m hoping that they’re still in there somewhere. If they’re gone completely I won’t be able to help,” she warns him.

“I want to try. I need to remember Steve,” Bucky tells her.

“Okay. You should lie down though. You’re going to be very tired and you might have a headache when you wake up,” Wanda instructs. 

Bucky dutifully arranges himself on the couch and stuffs one of the throw pillows behind his head to make himself comfortable. “I’m ready,” he says. Wanda pulls over a chair, seats herself just beyond his head, and begins to work her magic. Bucky closes his eyes and is immediately drawn into a deep state of relaxation.

__XXX_ _

__Steve stumbles in the door and right away Bucky notices that something is wrong. When he manages to straighten up again Bucky can see that he’s got a black eye and a split lip. “What the hell happened to you?” Bucky snaps._ _

__“Well obviously I got beat up,” Steve says in a tone that sounds like he’s talking to a small child. He’s trying not to show that he’s vulnerable but his tiny chest heaves with the telltale wheezes of asthma as he struggles through every breath. He must have run back to their apartment._ _

__“Sit down so I can clean you up,” Bucky sighs. He fetches a rag and wets it under the kitchen faucet, then dabs at the blood on Steve’s lip. “Who did it this time?”_ _

__“The Martinotti brothers. I saw them harassing this girl when I was on my way home and I told them to scram,” Steve says indignantly._ _

__“You have to stop getting yourself into fights you can’t win, you punk. One of these days you’re gonna get into some serious trouble and it’ll be the death of you,” Bucky scolds._ _

__“Yes ma,” Steve sing-songs and then he grins. Bucky just rolls his eyes._ _

__XXX_ _

__It’s cold and dark. Bucky stumbles along, taking the long way from his job at the factory to their apartment. He tries to walk quickly because, even though he was unable to afford the bus today, he needs to be home as soon as possible to check on Steve. It’s started to snow and a chilly wind whips around his uncovered face and neck. Bucky stuffs his hands in his pockets to keep them warm and prays that his toes don’t freeze inside of the threadbare boots he’s wearing._ _

__When he finally makes it in the door he toes off his boots, drapes his jacket over the back of a kitchen chair, and heads straight to the bedroom to see if Steve’s awake. The door’s ajar and there’s a light on, which is a good sign._ _

__“Hey Stevie, how ya feelin’?” Bucky asks as he flops down on the end of the bed._ _

__Steve’s sitting upright with his sketchbook propped on his knees. “I’m better. The fever broke hours ago but I’ve still got a cough,” he says._ _

__Bucky sits upright. He reaches out and rests the back of his hand on Steve’s forehead, ignoring the noise of protest that Steve makes. “Yep. Fever’s definitely gone. Are you hungry?”_ _

__“Yeah, I could eat something but I can get it myself,” Steve says. He sets his sketchbook aside and flips back the blankets, then heads into the kitchen._ _

__Bucky follows in his wake, still feeling a bit apprehensive. Steve’s health is always precarious at best and he wonders if one day he’ll come home to find Steve’s gone. If/when that day comes he won’t survive it._ _

__XXX_ _

__There’s a record playing in the shabby apartment they live in. It’s one of the few that Bucky owns and it’s well-worn but the song is always beautiful no matter how many times he plays it._ _

**_**_I’m flying high but I’ve got a feeling I’m falling, falling for nobody else but you. You caught my eye and I’ve got a feeling I’m falling._ ** _ **

__“This is hopeless. I’ll never figure out how to dance,” Steve moans from his place in Bucky’s arms._ _

__“You’ve gotta stop thinking so hard and just move. Follow my lead,” Bucky urges._ _

**_**_I used to travel single, oh. We chance to mingle, oh. Now I’m all a tingle over you._ ** _ **

__Steve puts one hand on Bucky’s shoulder and lets his other be held against Bucky’s chest. His free hand settles on Steve’s tiny waist and he marvels at how one hand splayed out can just about wrap around half of it. “I don’t see why I hafta be the dame. I thought you were going to teach me to lead,” Steve grumbles._ _

__“You don’t even know how to follow, you knucklehead. Once you can do that then you can lead,” Bucky admonishes him._ _

**_**_Romantically I’m up in the air. It’s funny, so funny me taking it this way. Don’t know if I should but gee, it feels good._ ** _ **

__The pair try to lurch through a few of the basic steps they’ve been practicing but Bucky doesn’t bother to complain when Steve accidentally steps on his foot. His mind is on just how close the two of them are to each other. Steve might be small but he’s definitely not delicate. He’s all sharp angles and chiseled features and at this moment Bucky can’t help but think he’s beautiful._ _

**_**_And I’ve got a feeling I’m falling. Show me the ring and I’ll take it from you. I used to travel single, oh. We chance to mingle, oh._ ** _ **

__Bucky’s thinking less and less about his steps. He looks into Steve’s crystal blue eyes framed by long lashes and he realizes it would be so easy to just lean down. It’s what he wants; it’s what they’ve both wanted for so long now but have been denying themselves because it’s always been wrong. But in this moment Bucky’s never felt anything so right. If they’re going to go to hell they might as well go together and go all the way, Bucky thinks._ _

__He leans down and presses his lips to Steve’s._ _

__XXX_ _

__Bucky’s in Azzano and he’s strapped to a table. His captors have kept him there for days with no food and very little water. They’ve been giving him some sort of injections that have made him so delirious he can barely remember his own name, let alone the myriad of questions that sadistic prick of a HYDRA scientist keeps asking him over and over. Bucky repeats his name, rank, and serial number like a mantra,_ _ __ __trying to remind himself who he is. “Barnes, Sargeant, three-two-five-five-seven-oh-three-eight…Barnes, Sargeant, three-two-five-five-seven-oh-three-eight…”_ _

__Suddenly there’s a clatter of footsteps and Steve’s face appears above him, haloed in the lamplight like an avenging angel. “Oh my god,” Steve says. Bucky feels the straps holding him down release. “It’s me, it’s Steve,” Steve says but Bucky’s not sure. In his dazed state he can tell that something about his lover isn’t right but he isn’t sure what._ _

__“Steve?” he mutters._ _

__“Come on,” Steve says and heaves Bucky to his feet. His eyes take in the much taller and muscular form that Steve’s face is attached to and all he can do is goggle at the man standing before him. “I thought you were dead,” Steve says as his eyes take in Bucky’s disheveled form._ _

__“I thought you were smaller,” Bucky mutters. This bigger, stronger version of Steve holds him upright on his shaky legs and begins hauling him down the hallway. From the sounds of the place there’s some sort of a coup going and they’d better get the hell out of dodge._ _

__Bucky pauses long enough to ask if the change is permanent. “So far,” Steve says and he grins. Bucky wants to ask more questions and he desperately wants a moment alone with Steve but both will have to wait._ _

__XXX_ _

__They’ve made camp in an abandoned church and settled in for the night. Most of the Howling Commandos are asleep in various places on the floor but Steve and Bucky are sitting behind the altar, enjoying a private moment to themselves. Bucky reaches over and takes Steve’s hand in his. He knows it’s risky to show any sort of affection when there are others around but the chance of anyone waking is pretty low at the moment. They’ve all gotten to the point where they can sleep through just about any noise._ _

__“I love you,” Bucky whispers, lifting Steve’s hand to his lips._ _

__"Love you too,” Steve says softly. In the moonlight streaming in from the church windows Bucky can just make out the smile that crinkles his eyes. He’s never felt this way about anyone before and he knows that if anything happens to Steve he never will again. He’ll go to his grave loving Steve Rogers._ _

__“Marry me,” Bucky says suddenly._ _

__Steve’s head snaps up. “What?” he says, almost loud enough to be a shout, then clamps his hand over his mouth. The two of them hold their breath, ears straining for any sign that they’ve been overheard, but the only sound within the church is Dum Dum’s snoring coming from somewhere near the front pews._ _

__“Marry me,” Bucky repeats._ _

__“You know that’s illegal,” Steve hisses. “If we tried to get a marriage license we’d get arrested.”_ _

__“I don’t care about some fucking piece of paper. We’re in a church and I want to marry you, right here, right now. What’s your answer, punk?” Bucky says defiantly._ _

__“Yes,” Steve says. He’s grinning like a loon and Bucky feels his own face split into a huge smile at the prospect of making it official, even if it’s only to the two of them._ _

__They don’t have rings but Bucky’s nothing if not resourceful. He pulls his dog tags over his head and says, “Give me your tags.” Steve hands them over without question. Bucky undoes the clasp on each set, removes one of his tags, and threads it onto Steve’s chain. He moves one of Steve’s onto his, closes the clasps again, and gently drops the chain over Steve’s head. “There. Now we’ll always have a piece of each other.”_ _

__“We need vows,” Steve cuts in quickly. “It’s not official until you say them.”_ _

__“Okay,” Bucky agrees. He takes Steve’s hand in his and says softly, “I, James Buchanan Barnes, take you, Steven Grant Rogers, to be my, uh… partner, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”_ _

__“I, Steven Grant Rogers, take you, James Buchanan Barnes, to be my_ _ **_**_everything_ ** _ ** __, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part,” Steve recites._ _

__“You may kiss the bride,” Bucky jokes and Steve desperately tries but fails to suppress a snicker. They lean in and share a gentle but quick kiss._ _

__“Come on, let’s get some sleep. We have to wake up early tomorrow to finalize the plans for meeting the train,” Steve says._ _

__They get up from behind the altar and go to fetch their sleeping bags._ _

__XXX_ _

__Pain. Nothing but pain and cold. Bucky lies there on the cold ground, bleeding heavily from the loss of his left arm. He’s dimly aware of someone speaking to him and then being dragged across the snow before everything goes black. When he wakes he’s in a lab somewhere with some HYDRA scientists who keep poking and prodding him. They don’t ask questions this time, only viewing him with a cold, clinical sort of detachment whenever he screams in pain._ _

__Bucky’s in and out of consciousness. He loses track of time and he’s not sure how long he’s been in captivity. He tells himself to hold on, that help is surely coming in the form of Steve. Steve’s never left him before so why should this time be any different?_ _

__During one of his conscious periods half a dozen men in white coats turn up carrying several large hypodermic needles. Bucky yells in shock when they jab him. Then the unmistakable whirring of a surgical saw starts up and he knows that he’s really in trouble. The HYDRA team doesn’t bother with pain medication and Bucky screams himself hoarse as the blade sears with a white-hot intensity through what’s left of his left arm. Eventually the pain consumes him and the world goes dark once more. When Bucky rouses he’s got two arms again, only one of them is made out of metal._ _

__The grinning spectre of Doctor Arnim Zola hovers over him and says, “You are to be the new fist of HYDRA.”_ _

__Steve never comes and later on he overhears the news that Captain America is dead. He gives up. When they wipe his memory and put him into the cryo unit he doesn’t fight them._ _

__XXX_ _

__The Winter Soldier has to finish his mission. He goes in for the kill but Captain America doesn’t go down easy and the fight takes every ounce of strength he possesses. The man fights for all he’s worth and at one point even manages to get the upper hand. The Soldier is choked until black spots begin to dance in his vision so he plays dead until the Captain is certain he’s not a threat and lets him go._ _

__The Soldier is not to be defeated so easily though. He wobbles upright and pulls his gun, squeezing off shot after shot, catching the Captain once in the arm and once in the leg. The Soldier climbs up the gantry and fires again, hitting his target in the stomach this time. The mission is almost complete._ _

__The helicarrier is suddenly rocked with a multitude of explosions but the Soldier pays it no mind because he was told that this is a mission he must finish at any cost. Unfortunately his carelessness in focusing solely on his enemy means that he doesn’t notice the overhead beam twisting with a sickening crunch. In moments he’s trapped with both arms pinned. There is no way out._ _

__The Captain, however, doesn’t seem content to leave him there. He kneels at the Soldier’s side and begins attempting to heft the beam. In an impressive display of both strength and stupidity, he manages to life it just high enough for the Soldier to escape._ _

__“You know me,” the Captain gasps as blood trickles from the corner of his mouth._ _

__For some reason this makes the soldier feel nothing but hot, unbridled rage. “No I don’t!” he shouts as he lunges towards the man and punches him in the chest._ _

__The Captain climbs unsteadily to his feet and tries again. “Bucky, you’ve known me your whole life.” The Soldier howls with fury and punches him square in the mouth. “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. I’m not gonna fight you. You’re my friend,” the Captain says wearily. He drops his shield and it sails through a hole in the floor, dropping out of sight into the Potomac._ _

__The Soldier tackles him and starts punching him in the face over and over. “You’re my mission,” he snarls. It’s never been anything more than that. He needs to complete it, needs to obey because HYDRA demands success no matter what the cost._ _

__“Then finish it,” the Captain rasps. “Because I’m with you to the end of the line.”_ _

__The Soldier pauses, fist drawn back as if to strike again but it hovers in mid-air. He’s heard those words before but it couldn’t be right. The Winter Soldier doesn’t have memories, only the missions and target information that HYDRA gives him. But he can’t bring himself to lash out any more. Somehow, somewhere, the man beneath him was important to him once. He doesn’t know how but he feels it._ _

__The floor beneath them collapses and the Captain is thrown like a rag doll from the helicarrier. As the Soldier watches him fall it hits him._ _ **_**_Steve. Steve is in danger. Steve is dying._ ** _ **

__The Soldier dives in after him._ _

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

After the memories have faded Bucky comes back to himself and lets out a groan. Wanda wasn’t kidding about the headache. It feels as though someone is taking a jackhammer to his skull and he can barely move his head without a new burst of agony.

“Just relax. You need to rest now,” Wanda whispers from somewhere nearby. Her tell-tale red mist swirls around Bucky’s head and within moments he’s asleep.

When he wakes again the living room is dark and a blanket has been draped over him. Bucky sits up groggily to discover that his headache is gone. He rubs the sleep from eyes, rolls off the couch, and lands on the floor with a loud whump. He’s just getting to his feet when Wanda enters the room and says, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine. How long was I out for?” Bucky asks.

“Almost four hours. You needed the rest,” Wanda says. She hands him a glass of water and he downs it gratefully before passing it back. “I hope you found what you were looking for.”

Steve. He needs to see Steve right this second because they have a hell of a lot to discuss. “I did and now I’ve gotta go. Thanks for helping me,” Bucky says quickly. He pauses just long enough to give Wanda a hug before rushing to the door.

Wanda gives him a knowing look and simply says, “Good luck.”

JARVIS informs Bucky that Steve is down in the training room and he takes the stairs two at time, too impatient to wait for an elevator. When he reaches the training room he bursts in to find Steve beating on one of Stark’s reinforced punching bags with a determined look on his face. “Steve!” Bucky shouts.

Steve catches the bag to stop it from swinging, turns around, and gives him a lopsided grin. Bucky rushes up to him, grabs him by the shoulders, and says breathlessly, “You fucking punk. You weren’t gonna tell me, were you? 

Steve gives him a confused look. “What do you remember, Buck?” he asks carefully.

“I remember us,” Bucky says and he swoops in for a kiss. For a split second Steve freezes in shock but then his brain seems to catch up and he responds, both arms coming up around Bucky to hold him in a crushing embrace. When they finally come up for air Steve’s got tears in his eyes.

“I didn’t want to force you. I wanted you to remember on your own,” he says hoarsely.

“Well what if I hadn’t?” Bucky demands.

“Then you just being here would have to be enough. I told myself that as long as I got to have you in my life again I wouldn’t press my luck,” Steve says.

A tear trickles down his cheek and Bucky reaches out to gently wipe it away with his thumb. “I love you but sometimes you can be a real idiot, you know?” he says.

“I know,” Steve whispers but he’s smiling now.

“Well I hope you’re done with your workout because we’re going upstairs ****now****. We have a lot of time to make up for,” Bucky tells him. 

Steve looks like he doesn’t know whether he wants to cry or laugh. He lets out something halfway between a chuckle and a sob. “Let’s go,” he says. 

Bucky drags him into the nearest elevator and instructs JARVIS to send them to their floor without stopping. Then he pushes Steve against the wall and begins devouring his mouth. Steve wraps one arm around Bucky’s waist and the other fists the front of his shirt, yanking him closer so hard that two of the middle buttons pop off and go skittering across the floor.

Steve pulls away and says, “Oops.” His face is starting to colour, a telling sign that he’s embarrassed.

Bucky just shrugs. “I borrowed this shirt from your closet. You’re just ruining your own stuff. 

“I don’t care,” Steve breathes. He grabs both sides of Bucky’s shirt and wrenches them apart. One of the buttons hits the wall with a loud ping while the others fall somewhere near Bucky’s feet. Steve attacks him with renewed vigor and actually shoves him into the opposite wall of the elevator with enough force to put a dent in the steel hand rail.

“Steve,” Bucky moans as his partner’s lips find his neck. It’s always been one of his erogenous zones and Steve knows it. Bucky arches against Steve and frantically tries to grind against him. Steve’s hands are roaming under his shirt and Bucky can’t get enough of the sensation of the those slim artist’s fingers caressing his skin. When his lover nips at his neck Bucky cries out, “Fuck!” There’s a loud crunching of metal as his prosthetic arm grabs the hand rail and squeezes until it twists.

Neither of them notices the elevator has come to a stop until JARVIS says, “Captain Rogers, might I suggest that you and Sargeant Barnes vacate the elevator? It has arrived at your floor. 

Steve pulls away and surveys the damage they’ve caused with that adorable flush starting to creep up his face again. “Uh, yeah, we should do that before we wreck anything else. Can you let Tony know that he needs to fix the elevator?”

“I will notify sir’s maintenance crew,” JARVIS responds. 

“Bedroom, now,” Bucky demands. He grabs Steve by the hand, pulls him through their living room, and down the hallway. They end up in Bucky’s bedroom with Steve flat on his back on the bed as Bucky climbs on top of him.

He rucks up Steve’s shirt and starts trailing kisses down his partner’s abdomen before working his way back up to claim Steve’s lips. When they pull away, he murmurs, “Make love to me, just like you used to.”

“You sure? It’s not too much too soon is it?” Bucky asks.

“I’m sure,” Steve says.

The urgency they felt in the elevator has somewhat faded now. All Bucky wants is to take his time and savour every moment of their first time since they’ve found each other again. He wasn’t able to remember much of their sex life before the serum but his memory supplies him with a snippet of a much smaller Steve on his back with Bucky thrusting into him. “Got any slick?” he asks. 

“Nightstand drawer,” Steve says. Bucky opens the drawer to find it full of varying sizes of sex toys and two bottles of what he hopes is lubricant. Steve blushes. “I’ve been ordering this stuff online and trying it out,” he confesses.

Bucky just grins at him. “Next time I want to watch you use the big blue one,” he says and laughs when Steve’s blush gets even deeper. He pulls out a bottle of lube, sets it on top of the nightstand, and shuts the drawer with a bang. “I want to do this slowly. That okay with you?” he asks.

“Bucky, anything you want is okay with me,” Steve replies. Bucky drags Steve’s t-shirt over his head and begins attacking his collar bones before working his way down and swirling his tongue over a nipple. Steve’s breathing quickens and progresses to outright moaning as Bucky works it into a stiff peak. He gives the other one the same treatment before laving his tongue down Steve’s abdomen to circle his belly button. “Bucky,” Steve gasps.

Bucky makes quick work of the rest of their clothes. He pulls off Steve’s running shoes and socks, tossing them into the corner of the room, and then pops the button on Steve’s jeans. Slowly, teasingly, he eases the zipper down until Steve gets impatient and tells him to hurry up. Bucky yanks off Steve’s jeans and underwear in one quick motion and leaves them crumpled on the floor. 

He pauses, kneeling at the end of the bed, taking in the sight of Steve’s beautiful body stretched out before him. He’s all pale skin and hard muscle, decorated only by a few freckles and a dusting of blonde hair that starts at his belly button and trails down to his cock. It’s hard against his belly, bright red and starting to leak pre-cum from the tip. “Are you going to sit there all night or can we get on with it?” Steve’s impatient voice cuts through Bucky’s thoughts.

“Just admiring. You’re beautiful,” Bucky says huskily.

“So are you,” Steve says. Bucky doesn’t know how to answer that. He might have been a decent looking guy back in the late thirties but too many years of war and being HYDRA’s puppet have taken their toll. His body is a road map of scars, especially around the area where his prosthetic arm attaches to the rest of him. He reaches to pull off the remnants of the ruined shirt he’s wearing and then hesitates.

Steve senses that something is amiss and sits up. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he says softly.

“I want to, it’s just…” Bucky can’t find the words to express himself. He knows it’s ridiculous to feel self-conscious now. It’s Steve for crying out loud. Still, he unconsciously tugs the shirt closer around his left side.

Steve reaches out to pull his hand away from the fabric. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ll always be the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on, no matter what. Let me see.”

He spreads the panels of the shirt and pushes them off of Bucky’s shoulders. Bucky lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as Steve’s fingers begin to roam over the scars that spread across his chest and down towards his pectoral. “I’m not the same as you remember,” Bucky warns him.

“Neither of us are the same as we used to be. These are a sign that you survived. You went through so much and yet you made it back to me,” Steve says. He wraps an arm around Bucky’s waist and, in one fell swoop, has him on his back on the bed. Bucky barely has time to think before he feels Steve’s hands unbuckling his belt. “Okay?” Steve asks.

“Good,” Bucky confirms.

Steve pulls Bucky’s jeans off and then begins palming him through the front of his boxers. “Jesus Stevie,” Bucky groans. He bites his bottom lip hard to keep control of himself as his underwear is yanked off and a rush of cool air hits his aching cock. Steve gives Bucky an impish grin and then bends down, taking all of Bucky’s length into his mouth. He feels himself hit the back of Steve’s throat and lets out a yelp of surprise.

Steve pulls back, licks a stripe up Bucky’s cock, and then begins to swirl his tongue over the tip. One of his hands grips at the bottom of the shaft, pumping up and down in time with the bobbing of his head, while the other caresses Bucky’s balls. Bucky grabs handfuls of bed sheets in both fists and clenches them tight as he fights to keep control. He doesn’t want to come too soon. “Fuck, Steve!” he howls. He can feel Steve’s amused chuckle around his dick and it almost sends him over the edge. “I’m going to cum if you keep doing that,” Bucky warns.

Steve pulls his mouth off with an obscene sounding pop and grins at him. “Do it. The serum will get you hard again in a few minutes anyway,” he says. Bucky scarcely has time to take in this tidbit of information before Steve’s mouth descends on his cock again. This time he alternates between taking Bucky deep into his throat and pulling back to suckle the tip.

Bucky feels the familiar heat of orgasm begin to coil within him and, before he has time to warn Steve, he’s coming in hot spurts down the back of his partner’s throat. Steve doesn’t let up. He keeps sucking, hollowing his cheeks to create an even greater sensation of pleasure, until he’s swallowed every last drop.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Bucky gasps. He collapses back against a pillow, panting as he comes down from the high he just experienced.

“That was good I take it?” Steve asks from where he’s sitting at the end of the bed. He gives Bucky an obscene grin.

“What do you think?” Bucky shoots back. Steve chuckles.

He crawls up the bed and lays down beside Bucky to give him a gentle kiss. Bucky can taste himself on Steve’s tongue, and while it’s not the most pleasant of flavours, he can live with it. Anything just to kiss Steve. When they pull away, Bucky says, “So how many times can you get hard before you wear yourself out?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t fully put that to the test but I’ve experimented a little bit. My record is coming six times in a hour when I was jerking off,” Steve says. He idly traces a finger down Bucky’s chest and circles one of his nipples.

“Fuck, Stevie, I would pay to see that,” he moans.

Steve chuckles and presses his lips to the side of Bucky’s neck. “You could fuck me and we’ll see how many times you can make me come,” he says. He trails his hand down to Bucky’s dick and begins to stroke it slowly, coaxing it back to life once more.

“Yeah, I wanna fuck you all right. As soon as I’m hard enough again I’m gonna put you on your back and ram my dick into you until you scream,” Bucky growls.

“Such sweet words,” Steve teases.

“I love you; never stopped,” Bucky says softly.

Steve gives him a fond smile. “Same,” he says. He pulls his hand away from Bucky’s cock and reaches for the lube on the night stand. “Do you want to or should I?”

“I’ll do it,” Bucky says.

Steve lies on his back and arranges a pillow under his head. He watches contently as Bucky takes the lube from him, flicks open the cap, and pours some onto his hand. He gently circles Steve’s hole with some of it before inserting one of his fingers. He expects his partner to to be a bit uncomfortable at the intrusion but Steve just eyes him through lust-blown eyes, waiting. Bucky decides that he’s going to make Steve vocalize his pleasure before the day is through. Now that they don’t have to worry about hiding their relationship from anyone they can be as loud as they please.

Bucky adds another finger and begins to gently prod around inside, stretching Steve but also searching for his prostate. He finds it and Steve’s hips rocket off the bed as he cries out. Bucky puts a hand on his hip and pushes him flat again. He adds a third finger and then a fourth, making sure that Steve is stretched enough before they get to the main event. “Fuck!” Steve yelps as Bucky prods at his prostate again. “Oh god, fuck me, I can’t wait any more!”

Bucky laughs and pulls his fingers out. “Impatient are we?” he says.

“Hurry up,” Steve chides.

“I love it when you get bossy with me,” Bucky says.

“You said you were going to ram your dick into me, so do it!” Steve complains.

Bucky slicks up his cock and lines it up with Steve’s hole, pushing in in one gentle movement. He feels the tight ring of muscle give and stills as he bottoms out, giving Steve time to adjust to the intrusion. “Bucky, move, please,” he moans. Bucky’s never been able to refuse Steve anything so he pulls back until he’s almost out and then pushes back in with a snap of his hips. Steve lets out a near scream that he tries to stifle with his hand. Bucky takes hold of it and moves it away.

“We don’t have to be quiet anymore. Come on sugar, let me hear you,” Bucky says.

That seems to be all the encouragement his partner needs as Bucky slides himself in out, setting a slow and steady pace. It’s hard to take his time though with Steve underneath him shouting things like, “Fuck!” and “Oh Bucky!” He’s the most beautiful sight that Bucky’s ever seen, lying there with his face his flushed, eyes closed, and mouth falling open in an o of pleasure. He leans down to press open mouthed kisses to the side of Steve’s neck and is rewarded with a litany of loud swearing.

“Jerk yourself off for me. I wanna watch you,” Bucky growls when he straightens up again.

Steve obliges, fisting that gorgeous cock of his in time with Bucky’s thrusts. “Harder. Give it to me good,” he demands

Bucky can already feel that he’s getting close and he speeds up his pace, chasing the high he knows is coming. “Fuck, Steve, you’re gonna make me cum again,” he groans.

“Do it,” Steve gasps. He fists a hand in Bucky’s hair and yanks his head down for a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss.

Bucky can’t hold himself back any longer. His thrusts become more erratic and he feels the heat of his orgasm begin coiling tight in his belly. Steve speeds up the pace with his hand and suddenly he arches his back, crying out, “Oh fuck!” as his cock erupts over his fist, sending drops of semen splashing across his torso.

Bucky fucks him through the aftershocks, growling, “God Stevie, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” It doesn’t take long and he’s coming with a shout, collapsing on top of Steve as he spills inside of him.

For a few minutes they don’t move. Bucky’s pretty sure that his brain’s been short-circuited because he can’t seem to form any coherent thoughts. Then Steve says, “Move Buck, you’re squishing me.” Bucky chuckles and rolls himself off of his partner.

“You used to say that when you were smaller,” he says.

“Well you’ve always been kinda heavy,” Steve teases. He leans over the side of the bed, grabs his t-shirt, and uses it to wipe the cum off of his stomach.

Bucky wrinkles his nose. “You know you I hate when you do that. We should go shower,” he says.

“What’s the point? I thought you were gonna see how many times you can make me come. We’re just gonna get dirty again in a bit anyways,” Steve points out.

Bucky flashes a grin at him. “I guess I did promise you that.”

He leans over and starts kissing Steve again.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s Steve’s 100th birthday and Bucky’s arranged a small party for him at the tower. Despite protests that he doesn’t want any special attention and that gifts aren’t necessary, the entire team shows up to ply him with food, drink, and presents. Bucky’s even made a special cake for the occasion. He’s tried his hand at baking by following an online tutorial to make a three layer strawberry cake that looks like Steve’s shield.

“You sit here since you’re the guest of honour today,” Bucky says as he guides Steve over to their armchair.

“You’re not going to make me wear one of those hats are you?” he asks wearily as he plops down, eyeing the roomful of people wearing the cheap party hats that Bucky picked up yesterday.

Natasha’s somehow managed to make hers look demure by perching it at an impossible angle on her head and hiding the elastic behind her hair. She’s sitting on the couch next to Clint, who’s wearing his like a small child with the elastic under his chin. Wanda, who’s on his other side, keeps offering to fix it for him but he insists that he likes it that way. She seems to have affixed hers to her head with magic since there is no elastic band on it, not that Bucky can see anyways.

Pepper and Tony are on the love seat. Tony’s managed to snag two party hats and is wearing them like a set of horns, much to the annoyance of his girlfriend. She’s the only one that Bucky didn’t dare foist a hat on, mostly out of fear of some sort of later retribution. Sam’s sitting on a kitchen chair nearby, having declined an invitation to sit on the couch next to Clint so that Natasha could sit next to him. He’s tried to hide the elastic of his hat behind his ears but it doesn’t quite have the same effect due to his short haircut.

“Of course you’re wearing one,” Bucky says. He puts one of the red, white, and blue hats on Steve’s head and snaps the elastic under his chin.

“Ow,” Steve complains. Bucky just smirks.

The party is mostly informal. Everyone eats the excessive amount of junk food they’ve brought while chatting away and Bucky hands out slices of cake. He’s proud to get several compliments on his baking skills.

“Hey Capsicle, are you going to open your presents any time soon or is there a pinata or something first?” Tony says. He’s bouncing excitedly in his seat, which makes Bucky think he wants Steve to open his present first.

“No, nothing like that,” Bucky tells him. “Let’s do it now.”

“Open mine,” Tony says. He hands Steve a package in blue paper tied with red and white ribbons. Steve groans at the colour scheme but carefully peels back the paper. Inside is a rather patriotic-looking tie covered in a garish American flag motif with a set of matching cuff links.

Steve lets out a laugh and shakes his head. “Really, Tony?” he says.

Tony’s laughing so hard that he’s nearly in tears while Pepper glares at him in disapproval. “I told you not to get that!” she says.

“But the look on his face! It was so worth it!” Tony guffaws.

“Sorry Steve, I’ll make it up to you somehow,” Pepper apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get him back on his birthday,” Steve says, smiling impishly.

Next is Natasha’s present. She hands over a gold gift bag that contains a new sketchbook and a giant box of butter rum flavoured Lifesavers, which are Steve’s favourite candy. “Where did you find those? I’ve been looking all over for them,” Bucky asks her.

Natasha smiles. “You can find anything on Amazon,” she says.

Steve thanks her and moves on to opening the present in garish red paper that’s been thrust at him by Clint. “I wasn’t really sure what to get you but I ended up in this bookstore and I found this book about art. I was hoping you’d like it,” he prattles. He’s clearly had way too much sugar.

Steve opens the paper to find a giant tome titled Art: A Visual History. He flips through it and marvels at the spectacular colour photos and explanations in the pages. “Thanks Clint, this is great,” he says.

“Me next,” Wanda says. She hands over a small round package that’s clumsily wrapped in some sort of leftover Christmas paper. Steve opens it to find a cross stitch of red and yellow flowers in a field.

“Did you make this?” Steve asks. Wanda nods shyly. “It’s beautiful,” Steve tells her and she beams at him.

“Looks like I’m last,” Sam says, pulling a mock sad face.

“Actually, I’m last but since I have a surprise you can go first,” Bucky says. Steve shoots him a questioning look but he just smiles and shakes his head. Sam’s present turns out to be more art supplies, which Steve is thrilled to receive. He’s now the very proud owner of a new set of paints and a small canvas. Bucky can see the wheels turning in motion in his boyfriend’s brain; he’s already figuring out what he wants to put on that canvas and it will probably look amazing when finished.

Bucky hops off his perch on the arm of Steve’s chair and grabs his hand. “My turn,” he says. Steve lets himself be pulled up and propelled to the center of the room. 

“Oh no, is there a speech involved?” he asks.

“Sort of, but you don’t have to do any of the talking,” Bucky reassures him.

Steve looks visibly relieved. “Good cause you know I’m no good at that stuff,” he says.

“That’s why you made that amazing speech before you took down the helicarrier, right?” Sam says sarcastically.

“That was one time,” Steve complains.

“Are you two finished? I really want to get on with this,” Bucky says.

“Sorry,” Steve apologizes.

Bucky turns towards their friends and smiles. “Before I do this I want to thank Wanda for helping me get my memories back. Without her I never would have remembered the most important part of my past. I owe you so much that words can’t even express it,” he says.

“You’re welcome. I’m just glad I could I help,” she answers.

Bucky turns back to Steve and squeezes his hand. “Seventy years ago we spent a night in a church together and I made you a promise. I told you that I’d love you until death parted us,” he says.

“You remember that?” Steve asks. He’s looking rather surprised but he waits for Bucky to finish.

“I do. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it until now but I wanted to do this right. We’ve been through a lot together. I’ve loved you through hell, hurt, and hunger. I’ve loved you through war. I loved you even when I didn’t know my own name. When I was the Soldier, somewhere deep down inside a part of me knew you and couldn’t be erased. Back when we were just some punk kids from Brooklyn I never would have thought that we’d end up here in a time where we can love each other openly without worrying what anyone thinks. It’s been crazy but I wouldn’t trade any of the crap that I went through because now I can do this.”

He lets go of Steve’s hand, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out the box that he’s been hiding all day. He drops to one knee and says, “Steve, will you marry me?” 

For a moment Steve just stands there, looking completely gobsmacked. It takes him a few tries to get the words out but finally, in a strangled voice, he says, “Yes. Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

Bucky pulls the ring from its box and slides it onto Steve’s finger. When he rises he finds himself being yanked to his feet for one of the most passionate kisses they’ve ever experienced together. Steve’s started crying out of pure happiness and he tastes of salty tears and sweet cake icing but to Bucky nothing could be more perfect. When they pull away he’s dimly aware of their friends whooping with joy and applauding.

“Okay guys, I think the party’s over. Let’s give these two some time alone,” Natasha announces.

“Yep! It’s time for the birthday slash engagement nookie,” Tony says.

“Tony, that’s not appropriate,” Pepper hisses. Tony just grins at her and makes jerking motions on the party hats he’s wearing. She snatches his arm and drags him to the door. “Congratulations you two and happy birthday Steve. I’d better get Tony out of here before he does something else to offend everyone.”

“No offense taken,” Bucky says. He’s far too happy to let anything that Tony Stark has to say ruin his day today.

Natasha, Sam, and Wanda give them hugs and congratulate them before heading to the elevator. Clint simply high fives Bucky, gives Steve a manly slap on the shoulder, and then bounces off to the gym to work off the energy from the enormous amount of sugar he’s consumed.

When they’re finally alone, Steve grabs Bucky and kisses him as though there’s no tomorrow. As they pull apart, Bucky gasps, “Wow. I should really propose more often if this is what it gets me. 

Steve leans their foreheads together and says in a voice full of emotion, “I love you so much. I still have my tags because I was wearing them when I went into the ice. I used to look at them when I missed you and I’d wish that we’d just had a little more time after making those vows.”

“I’d say you got what you wished for,” Bucky murmurs.

“I must have done something really good because I have everything I’ve ever wanted now,” Steve says.

“Sap,” Bucky teases and he’s pleased to see that Steve chuckles. He locks his arms around Steve’s neck and says, “Soooo…wanna get to the birthday and engagement sex then? I’m game if you are.”

Steve’s only answer is a growl as he hefts Bucky into his arms and carries him off to their bedroom.


End file.
